We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
