a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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