I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
