Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
