big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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