Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
