I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
