my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
