Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
