is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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