Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
