Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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