My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I lost the right to judge tonight
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
