"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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