I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
