i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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