Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
