Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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