he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
