Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
