Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
