Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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