I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
