Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
