sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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