i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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