i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
