So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
