I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Drunk is a universal language darling
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
