I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
