What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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