How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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