First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
