Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
