My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
