I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
