whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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