youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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