This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
