ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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