he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
