Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
