He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
