Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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