And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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