Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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