I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
