I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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