Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
