Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
