i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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