that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
