You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
